I want to write an off-hand classic

That people still dance to when they are 73

The kind that makes you feel happy as soon as you hear the opening beat

Where you suddenly feel as though you've been joined by a long lost friend

And sit there smiling silently until the song's end

Old code

robots, cheese, mine and jess' old books, castles, falling down stairs and off pavements, being unbelievabley terrible at pool, never having a proper job, spectacular views, people thinking i do a degree about how folding your arms means you are hostile, refinding old bands that i used to love, missing my old english class, getting through approximately a phone a month, walking on the hills, skip to the end tempremental stutters, oasis and vodka outside birmingham acadamy, getting unbelieveably paranoid of driving and thinking we are going to crash every ten seconds, wearing dresses 98.5% of the time, really regretting not going to a university by the sea, the absolute sheer genius that is SHAKEY'S, dictionary.com, only having one eye most of the time, having no strategy at chess and losing to queeg to my suprise, listening to music for at least half the day, working up the will to text back, making everyone i know obsessed with indian food, finding about as much money as i lose, loving living in malvern, wishing it was sunny enough for garden parties, neighbours, james may, board games in the orchard that summer, sleeping for 12 hours, wandering around with a blank expression looking like i have no idea what is going on, hanging around on the common like we used to when we were still at school, my window seat, mr roy, RACHMANANOV! feeling excited, making things for people, being grumpy when i am hungry, life being an unbelievable mismatch of extremes, spontaneous things, waking up on people's sofas and being made cups of tea, me vs. maradona vs. elvis, staring out of windows hmmmm yeah that has sort of defined me in an extremely lengthy paragraph.

What I do not say, but am always thinking, is the most important

I am leaving my hair curly as an experiment. It would grow so much more if I could learn to like it this way.

I have just walked back through Malvern at 7:30am on a Sunday morning as Arran is working this week doing labour work setting up tents for the Three Counties Show. This is fine, as it is a really nice sunny morning and it is good to be doing something with the day.

Last week I had an interview for an Admin Assistant at Worcester University, but i didn't get it as I couldn't work out how to use a database system which was one of the tasks, even though I followed the instructions correctly (or thought I did and tried everything I could do get it to work). There was a 30 minute series of tasks and then a 30 minute Interview, I think that the interview went alright but it seemed from hearing the next person to be interviewed talking in the waiting area that she was pretty much lined up for the job, also I mentioned that I didn't have any telephoning experience which is probably a fundamental component of the role so that was a bit stupid. Its OK though because I have an interview for a Psychology Research assistant this Wednesday, which would be amazing if I did get but I would be so lucky to get it that I am not getting my hopes up too much.

In other work news Malvern Special Families, the special needs playgroup charity that I work for is moving to Northliegh, my old primary school that is just down the road from me, which will save me an hour bus journey to and from the play group.

Anyway enough about work! I am very lucky because my brother has just gone to Australia for 6 weeks and my parents are giving him a bit of money to help him when they are there, so they said they would give me some too to make it fair which I am going to use to buy my Big Chill ticket :)

Yesterday I bought two nice new dresses as my all-purpose dresses that I can wear any time all have holes in as I have worn them so much and had them for so long.

I am also trying to get a bit healthier and drink a bit less, I had an Appletiser on Friday night when I went to Ollies and it was really nice and cheap and meant I was not hungover for work which is a win X 3.

I am working for Malvern Special Families and temping for The Three Counties at the moment, but I really want a full time job so I can sort myself out and move out with Laura sometime soon. Having said that I do like living at home, when my family are all getting on alright it is nice to be able to see my family on a regular basis, I am very preoccupied with thinking about how life is so short and so fragile and I appreciate being around my family, and now Arran has a nice new flat I don't feel so claustrophobic living at home. But still by the time I am 23 I would like to be a lot more independent.

I dreamt that my old university library was contained inside an enormous globe, that rolled instead of spun but was completely stationary inside

Things have changed a lot since october when i stopped myself writing things hear as they seemed quite sad and directionless. I like spring, I went for a walk with my Grandma today in the sun with my dog. I love the optimism you can't help feeling and after such a dark and cold winter the warmer weather is very welcome.

I am going to try and write more things down that have been happening, since I finished my quote of the day book when i finished university. I think it is important to write down the good times, because life can seem like such a blur, and it is so hard to remember all the nice things that have happened. I also just sneezed 10 times in row.

thursday is always before friday

Advice is something i have been thinking about a lot recently. it confuses me because you have to trust someone's judgment on your own life, when they are judging it from an outsiders perspective. in some ways another person can have a more objective view of your problem you are seeking advice about. but ultimately it is you that has to live with the problem and deal with whatever actions you take to alleviate the problem (with or without the secondary person's advice). Someone else will never completely understand your predicament, obviously. but you yourself areso emotionally attached to a problem you may have and this may obscure your ability to gauge what is the right thing to do. but at the same time, perhaps only YOU know what is the right thing to do. but what if you don't (and that is probably why you are seeking advice). it is such a catch-22. sometimes there is no clear answer and talking to someone about a problem may make you feel a bit better but not ever help form a clear-cut solution to an issue. I don't know.

One thing I do know is i really should of finished the book Catch-22, considering how often I seem to encounter/ talk about them. I borrowed it during a period of time when I wasn't very able to read that much, and I ended up having the book for so long its owner wanted it returned. And considering she is from the Czech Republic, and is currently in Sheffield, I think I may need to locate my own copy if i ever want to finish it.

in other news the postal strike has meant LOVEFILM have extended my 1 month free trial by 2 weeks. I watched The Science of Sleep earlier in the week which is about a boy called Stephan who gets his dreams confused with his reality. I really liked it, but it had some subtitles and i was really tired, so probably didn't enjoy it to its full extent. I am able to watch films on my own now though, I never used to be able to do that, partially due to having a terrible attention span (linked to why i was unable to read books for a while) and feeling lonely.

Also Jess is home this weekend, Pete is home the weekend after that and Kirsty is home the weekend after that (i think) which means good people are around to break up a mad November of working and living at home. hopefully I will be able to book Scandinavia soon as well as I get paid on the 5th of November.

ALSO, why is Ferne Cotton so annoying and also everywhere.

not good today

but it could be worse
it could be worse
it could be worse
it could be worse
it could be worse
it could be worse
it could be worse
it could be worse
it could be worse
it could be worse
it could be worse

Get inside their heads, love their loves

i like it when people write songs where the line follows on so uses a word twice for two different sentences.

Here are two examples; Green Gloves by The National:

"Falling out of touch with all my
friends are somewhere getting wasted,
hope they're staying glued together,
I have arms for them"

And Soco Amaretto Lime by Brand New:

"i'm gonna stay eighteen forever
So we can stay like this forever
And we'll never miss a party
cause we keep them going constantly
And we'll never have to listen
to anyone about anything
cause it's all been done and it's all been said
we're the coolest kids and we take what we can get

The hell out of this town
Find some conversation
The low fuel lights been on for days
It doesn't mean anything
I've got another 500, 'nother 500 miles
before we shut this engine down,
we shut it down"

I love both of those songs.